Responses to someone who is sharing their grief with you:
General Principle: Create a safe space for sharing.
Examples:
“Thank you for sharing your memories of your loved one with me, that means a lot to me.”
“I’m so sorry you’re hurting, that sounds really difficult.”
“I love that you’re honoring your loved one by expressing your emotions, that is a beautiful testament to the connection you shared with them.”
“Thank you for calling me, I love that you feel safe to share things with me when you’re hurt. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, it sounds really difficult. I’m here with you and care about you.”
“I don’t know what to say right now but I’m here with you. How can I best support you?”
“I imagine that this must be really hard for you, I can’t even imagine. Just know that you are not alone and I’m so glad that you’re here with me sharing your thoughts and feelings about your loved one.”
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me about ____. They sounded like such a special person, what an amazing connection you shared with them.”
Ways to ask if you can share grief with someone:
“Do you have a few minutes to talk with me, I’m feeling really emotional right now.”
“I miss ______, are you okay with me talking about that with you right now?”
“I don’t know if you’re busy right now, but I could really use someone to talk to. Do you have a few minutes?”
“You were one of the first people that came up in my mind that I could talk to about what I’m going through. I don’t know if you’re busy right now, but I could really benefit from talking to you if you have time for me.”
“It isn’t easy calling right now, I’m feeling really vulnerable and could use some help getting through this. Do you have time to help me out?”
“I don’t know what to do with myself and really just don’t want to be alone. Can you please help me through this?”
Ways to validate a loved one who is grieving:
“Your words are important and I really value what you have to say. Thank you for sharing this stuff with me and for taking the time out to call/talk to me about what you’re going through.”
“I don’t know what you’re going through but I do know that I’m here with you.”
“What you’re going through must be so challenging. I really appreciate how much you cared about that person and how much you are leaning into processing this loss. I’m here for you and love you.”
“Your loved one must have been such an amazing person. Can you tell me more about the connection you shared with them?”
Ways you can help someone with their grief during a conversation:
Say something nice about the special role that their loved one played in their life.
Ask them if they feel like sharing a memory or story about that person.
Ask them if there was anything that they might have wanted to say to them but never had the chance – offer them the opportunity to say it out loud without judgment if they feel safe/comfortable to do that with you.
Ways to help someone who is grieving – general ideas and suggestions:
Free-writing exercise:
Take two minutes each day to express yourself and your feelings/thoughts through writing/typing. The words don’t have to make sense and can just be ways to process some of the things you’re experiencing. Sometimes writing can be very therapeutic and freeing.
“Never forget them walk or run”:
Memorialize your loved one with a coordinated walk or run with other loved ones. This can be an annual thing, once a month, or just a one-time thing to bring people together. This can be a gathering with movement to celebrate the person’s life. It offers the opportunity for people to share memories, engage in a social activity to connect with other people and get some exercise to help process any emotions that might be stored both physically and/or emotionally for someone grieving.
Memorial Planting:
This can be any kind of seed to plant in memory of your loved one’s life. There doesn’t need to be any obligation to keep the thing alive… just planting the seed can be enough. This seed can even be metaphorical but putting thoughts out into the world or simply having the intent to share a new aspect of life with someone in memory of the person who has passed away. The point is the intent behind this and to put beautiful things out into the world in loving memory of the person who died.
Create Some Art:
30 min art challenge! Any medium…mark get set go! (Done in person or Virtually). Set the intention, create, then share and talk about what you created.
Experience “Burn”:
Write down stories, experiences, unsaid things, pictures, etc. Then burn those papers, perhaps as a “letting go” moment.
Let’s talk Tattoos:
Maybe people want to get tattoos to commemorate a person, place or thing relating to their grief.